DUE OUT SEPT 2003

Prelude                           

 Forward! To begin, my sons are one year minus a day apart in age -.

                That’s enough explanation.  Early in Elementary School troubles with the “Attendance” Office began simmering.  During the 2^nd & 3^rd grades, the kids “little gang” voted to take a day off?!  Their new “holiday” was planned with fireworks, bee-bee guns, & held in the WORST of all places!!…The DREADED “Bandini Mountain”.  (*This was the “nursery storage” area, -a broad sprawling trail of canned plants, where, overhead the Edison Company kindly erects tall towers of steel, strung with big crackling power lines.)  This “access-way” wound through nice neighborhoods, usually by a wash.  In this Jungle-Gym Kid Paradise, (behind our house), loomed every parent’s nightmare, -A THREE-STORY HILL OF PURE FERTILIZER.  It was the young boys -& girls, favorite place, a thrill ride, -tunneling site, & place for Secret meetings.  TABOO. No playing allowed!  Strictly enforced-Area-41- “Off limits!”   Severe penalties were insured for those even going near to the FORBIDDEN MANURE!   It was also FEARED for the spread of  “Impetigo”, -an ugly, -(hard to kill) skin fungus, –stinky sores +scabs, *not to mention the multitudes of other filth-related biohazards.  Odds for an “injury accompanied with illness”=BANDINI MOUNTAIN.

Children knew not to go home reeking of  “B a n d i n i”.

*The “tunnels got really hot digging close into the center”; -is a quote of the unknown child.

                      W

    KCOP- 1969

*The Author working as Hardy Har-Har.

      Most kids had working mothers back then, -(pre-Dr. Laura’s new stance). The diabolically advanced offspring quickly figured “having one’s parents at work” was a great advantage.  The clever little monsters usually hatched “secret after school plans”, such as: “pulling something on a new (“dumb”) babysitter, or throwing a monkey-wrench -(maybe a snake!), into “Scout” meeting, perhaps?  Pranks meant to spark up “scheduled + approved” after-school activities “Hooky” was the new frontier for these 7 & 8 year olds.

        Fearlessly they all ditched one day; -trusting their “foolproof” plan would work.  After the fun, they carefully forged each other’s absence excuses, & copied parent’s signatures.  No problem !?  -Many days passed, - A week!  Safe! –Until, * a “big sissy blabber- mouth spilled the beans”. 

*This common occurrence we learned to rely heavily upon in the future. 

                 Is this your possible future?

       We parents shared the guilt for this “horrible trick they almost got away with!”  The end result is one unforgettable picture of responsible adults seated stiffly in hard uncomfortable chairs-, with blank stares, -silent, & grim.  Oh, - a few grumbles about the waste of valuable time, -vaguely directed at anyone looking like School Personnel.   I recall some polite small talk, before resigning myself     to the long wait. Finally-, you hear someone calling your name:

                                 *It’s your turn!!                                                

*Lippy the Lion’s SIDEKICK on The Touche Turtle Show, by Hanna-Barberra.                                                                         WW

       © REMEMBER!? ** IT IS YOUR TURN.

   **This is your special time allotment. You discuss only your kids problems-, and with someone “official”. The time to plead,  & most importantly, -your shot to lay the lion’s share of blame on another person’s brat.

It could be true….

                                       Take Heart!

      With passing time, parents will eventually bond, --mainly those with any kids that remain, (in the same district), through High School. Security in numbers -maybe,… it’s them or us?  Mainly, I have seen evidence that higher grades=higher kids-, & more education=more educated schemes. This is not just a theory,  and doesn’t apply to all teenage scholars. In the ensuing years, -and frequent school encounters, I found some parents learned to enjoy comparing notes, recalling past pranks, -more innocent times. –There even was some humor- eventually.  We shared vending machine snacks, & even cigarettes, -outside in the halls. ***Those really were the days. Conversation switched from discussing our various “kid woes” to gossip about new divorces, or weird circumstance that could have any affect, pro or con, on our usual group.  The desirable few “EXES” left up for grabs?!, “-maybe some could be recycled.” -Someone might be able to gain from another’s…-“Tragic breakup”? There existed a kind of pride in the children’s

creativity-, as long as they maintained good grades.  Of course… the class may not be holding their attention.

                                                WWW

                             THE NITTY GRITTY*

 After seeing the primal scrawled forgery that WAS TURNED IN, & ACCEPTED for the absence note, supposedly written by an ADULT person, I suddenly realized, …“these aren’t the same sort of Office people that scrutinized MY excuses…” *Fortunately.  I later learned the school districts employed less educated and experienced people in the offices, due to cuts!  The sharp old crones and feared truant officers were authority figures no longer. This reality made butterflies in my stomach. The point being, NO ONE HAD NOTICED any of our kid’s crayoned forgeries!   Where was that extra help alert attendance folks provided for the parents of my generation?

We wouldn’t have ever known about the little darlings unruly misbehavior at all, -had it not been for dear blabber-mouth.  Very scary!? –Why, that’s exactly what I thought!  Those AWARE attendance people that did such a wonderful job, in days gone by, weren’t really APPRECIATED whatsoever.  Some had EVEN thought to call our parents, if any little thing “ looked strange” to THEM!  I never told them “thanks”, or showed gratitude for their “so efficient” kindness.  I WOULD HAVE KISSED ALL OF THEM AT THAT MOMENT!  In that single moment of reckoning, it became CLEAR…-parents need spies.  

Just WHAT do parents DO “now”?   

                     WWWW

  A DESPERATE PARENT’S DECISION, TAKE HEART!!

****Armed with the knowledge that my sons’ future “excuses” needed to get that “old-fashioned” attention, -so well deserved, I wanted the Attendance Offices to know them on a first name basis-, (--instead of some prison guard named Bubba).   Who knew?? They’d nearly succeeded playing “hooky”, on their FIRST try!

      The “why, where, what, & who”, that inspired these handy note forms, simply came from one frustrated parent. Truancy Insurance for the changing times. All that EXCUSE notes require is the “parent’s signature”, along with a justified reason for non-attendance,-that “meets the accepted “excusable” criteria.  Go  ahead!! --Start using the notes for your precious children!  Don’t be afraid of “what the school might THINK”!  Hasn’t their “thinking” been covered here already?  You have to make them think-, PAY ATTENTION!  Aren’t YOUR children special, and -therefore worthy of recognition? !        You betcha’.

        Author  with  her  OLDER  brother- Ralph,-worthy of recognition.

                                        WWWWW

EXCUSES FOR “EXCUSE NOTES” THAT ARE ABSENT

2003- *There are many more notes to add to this book, & I’ll remind myself to do it sometime in the future.

     - Since Columbine, 911, new viruses, & the pile of tragic horrors that lately burst upon the scene, our schools are seriously up to their asses in alligators. ?? Provide safety, -AND still attempt to educate in OUTDATED & understaffed facilities!?  Where’s the stiff “Happy Day’s” general ineptitude that we fought in the past?  Now, new budget cuts, -with great evils, mutilate our schools.   The elected officials’ pensions & retirement plans remain in tact, our taxes insure their future!?  The recent move to “cut the personnel in school services-(in lieu of teachers)”, strips some kids of buses, nurse’s, cafeteria help, safety officers, & equipment maintenance.  Of course, the Attendance Office, with the staff I’d found so inefficient before,  -Great God-Almighty!  -Imagine how student records are BEING handled now!  A “crap shoot” has better odds to succeed.  Who knows? An old computer could be doing the job!

     The number of actual teachers HAS-& continues to be cleverly diminished, per the overuse of substitutes for one example; -“less credentials=less pay.  Remember to ask a “real” teacher about this, *if you can find one that is accredited with any spare time for chitchat.

*Incidentally,---in the good old days, the school offices looked forward to reading every one of MY sons “excuses”, & laughed at most of their -… “adventures.”    In addition, there was no possible way for them to polish the art & skill for careers requiring forgery expertise. *[We don’t always know what’s best, -in retrospect.]              Therefore:

     *I have not included: “Found the Loaded Gun”, “Terrorist in ____’s Class”, “Biological Warfare Illness”, “Folks in Iraq”,-or any other possible controversial excuses for absence at present..  Certainly these issues are unavoidable, but -it’s just impossible to find them humorous.  Maybe-, we’ll all be laughing about this later”.    ----You think ?!                                    

                                       * I can wait                B.A.

                             WWWWWW